Sometimes That’s All it Takes

some days, waking up is all it takes,

on others, i need pep talks just to get through new mistakes.

i may need gestures of faith,

admonitions of true love and worship of me - oh wait…

that’s an old me, she means well, but sometimes misbehaves.

I’m tired of writing to the void

of exploring this pain in hopes of a new story,

in hopes of new lighting that makes my art seem less boring,

or maybe more relatable, since majority of us are living abhorring.

it’s utterly insane,

to poke holes at the noise and sing through all the rain,

to focus on something, much less our own shame;

I want to reprogram the nonsense that short-circuits my brain,

the neurons so used to negativity, they think of themselves the same -

it’s pointless

and I don't think our God given purpose is hopeless,

I think that we may just all have an act in this circus,

and I'm trying to find a roar in a lion thats been hurt, yes,

beaten by the cries of a crowd seeking more, never less

but, nevertheless, here we are,

clamoring for the words that ring true to my heart,

clawing at skin, I can’t sit still for this part;

trying to let it all in and contained on this mark,

this digital projection of what I hope means I’ve come far,

far from the thoughts that once crept in the dark

free from the light that was only a pinpoint to my heart,

never the flame that went out with a breath,

a whisper,

a cool breeze,

when everyone’s left.

a solar powered, supercharged, cosmic cosmopolitan of purple hearts and stars,

an identity built by pharaohs and pyramids from afar

in a land never known, but by sphinx or by car.

I swear, I’ll get where I’m going, I just need to know who we are.

August 19, 2020