Identity Crisis

“Who am I?” seems to be a question as old as human consciousness. Who am I? Where do I come from? Why am I here? This trifecta of soul searching has fragmented itself into each and every one of us, manipulating the very firing of neurons in our brain. These questions in some form or another have impacted how we go about our reality and who it is we present ourselves as, be it physically, emotionally, socially, or mentally. The longing to understand ourselves has rooted itself as deep as the roots of mankind, I hope to draw recognition to this pattern of humanity as I have observed it, as well as pose my own personal questions about this process of self discovery, in hopes of better understanding ourselves and our inner struggle with identity.

What does this idea of an “identity” mean to us? We often have heard about, or perhaps even experienced for ourselves, an “identity crisis”, but what does that mean? According to Merriam-Webster Dictionary, an “identity crisis” is a “personal psychosocial conflict especially in adolescence that involves confusion about one’s social role and often a sense of loss of continuity to one’s personality”. Why is it that when we feel we have no sense of who we are and what we are doing, it sends us into a state of crisis? Furthermore, why do we feel the necessity in knowing and having a set identity? Perhaps it is to find a sense of security within ourselves, to feel credible in being who we are, maybe we are all struggling to have control over something in a world where everything feels out of control, or maybe the answer is somewhere in between all of this; maybe our very acknowledgment of an identity is the crisis.

I would first like to introduce the idea of a Group Identity, followed by the Personal Identity. In its simplest form, the Group Identity can be seen in our alliances to one another based upon family, geographic location, religious affiliation, race/ethnicity, social status, and personal interest; all of which go hand in hand with the Personal Identity, or rather the search of. Our first and possibly most important introduction to a Group Identity is the family we are born into. The family itself consists of multiple small groups that make up a larger group, so there are many Group Identities being lived out all around us from the day we are born. Some people are born into families that follow tradition, others are born into families with a history of crime, some are born into a family of wealth; each unique set of circumstances acts to create a Group Identity that in some form or another, each individual plays their role in, this role I believe, contributes to the development and understanding of the Personal Identity. The power of a Group Identity is demonstrated even in our most primitive of eras, as tribes, villages, and later cities, states, and countries, wherein, a strong sense of loyalty and patriotism is often established for ones own location of birth. I look at the adaptation of religion, as one of the utmost thriving examples of a Group Identity, no matter the religion or the practices associated with the religion, there is undoubtedly a unification between members of the same or similar religious belief. The use of religion in terms of understanding who we are, is one that I believe most significantly bridges the Group with the Personal identification, because religion offers an answer to those asking “how” and “why” and in many cases, those asking themselves, “who am I?”. Whether the answer they are provided with is interpreted as literal or metaphorical, for many people, it seems to be enough to begin building an identity around, a guidebook, if you will, to self-understanding. Ones own race and ethnicity also provides a strong sense of Group Identity, as many members of a certain race or ethnicity are able to identify with one another by sharing in the same sociopolitical disadvantages, while contrastingly, others are able to relate in their share of advantages. The same can be said for those of the same social status. The Group Identity that accompanies personal interests is where I believe much of the growth of the Personal Identity can be found as well. Meeting like-minded individuals that are, for whatever reason, drawn to the same interests as you is an important step in the development of our own personal identity and seems to be the place in which many people today find themselves discovering who they are, be it in music, art, fashion, humor, you name it, there is a group of people that like it and in that group is a place for you to feel understood.

It seems to me that, although the Group Identity can be sought throughout different stages of life and offers much comfort for us when it is found, it primarily acts as supplemental to our search for Personal Identity, wherein, much of the self work lies and because of the daunting, continual work to be done, I believe much of people’s Personal Identity is stunted at their Group Identity. Obviously, I cannot speak on behalf of every individual’s thoughts on who they believe they are or long to be, but like I said, this is all from my own observational standpoint and I look around and see many people grasping tight to the story of their group and adopting it as their Personal Identity. This is understandable when considering that diving deeper into Self has its own set of trials and tribulations, unraveling of layers and layers, years and years of confusion that can easily lead to self doubt when surrounded by so many people pretending to have it all figured out, or groups claiming to have cracked the code. It becomes far more inviting to subscribe to a story that has already been set in place for us. But within this safety net of a Group Identity are individuals that are either consciously or subconsciously searching for their Personal Identity, some (if not most) of whom are amid an internal struggle between the ego and the soul. The ego is the human side of our mind, the part that views ourself as separate from the world around us and when fed, turns to hubris, or excessive pride and an over inflated sense of self. The soul being the superconscious part of our Self, or our conscience, acting against the negative aspects of the ego in order to lead us to our truest Self and highest good. This opposition is uncomfortable, not only mentally, but also physically, as our mental state effects our physical body in tandem. As we are physical creatures, we do not instinctually like the feeling of discomfort or pain and because of this, we seek to do what feels “good” to us, what we have been conditioned to believe feels “good”, such as having power, being wealthy, being right in our convictions, being admired, being envied; and because this is what feels “good” to us, a Group Identity that ranks highly in one or more of these aspirations, begins to develop a superiority complex to conceal and over compensate for the individual feelings of discomfort in not knowing and being their highest Self; this is where I believe the Group Identity enacts its own identity crisis.

Beneath the surface of societal norms, standards, and confusion is the person, attempting to make sense of it all and to make sense of their role in all of it and in this attempt is where the inner dialogue is constantly conversing in a back-and-forth, question-and-answer format, firing on all cylinders to discover our Personal Identity; “Is that me or not me?”, “Do I like this or not?”, “Do I believe in this or that?”, “Does this make me feel good or bad?”, caught up in a Goldilocks-esque dilemma, endlessly questioning ourselves in hopes of coming to a decision that is “just right”. It is madness and how could it not be? We are consistently being told there is a certain way to be in society, an acceptable way, an admirable way, a way that is taught to us by parents and teachers that was taught to them, a way that is marketed and sold to us in magazines and television that personifies this “ideal” man or woman, doing or being something that very well may contradict what feels ideal to you; I can really only speculate, but it appears that in addition to these social standards already set in place, the influx of internet and social media, has presented us with a newly sensationalized version of how we express our personal identity to others, as realistic or unrealistic as it may be, it seems to amplify the panic and the urgency in the audience to have themselves all figured out. This overwhelming expectation that we place upon ourselves causes us to feel like, “everyone else has it figured out, but me”  and makes us susceptible to becoming a replica of the person we admire so much on the internet, due to the insecurity in simply being ourselves, free of influence. Are we all just a follower for someone else to benefit from? Where is the line between inspiration and imitation?

In many ways, it feels easy for me to simply point out the behaviour we take part in, become frustrated, and place blame on some external force due to my own perception of this chaos, what can I say? I’m human. However, if I am putting my own emotions aside, I really do think that this has, more or less, been the pattern for humans as long as we have consciously been cohabitating with one another. When have humans not looked to others for structure? What child doesn’t seek guidance from their elders? How does any one of us expect to come into this life knowing the ropes? And if left to our own devices, free from any sort of structure at all, who is it that we might become? What lessons might we be neglecting? Perhaps it is way too easy, justified even, to feel attacked by the world around us, bullied into feeling that we have no true sense of ourself, and holding onto the fear and sadness of what it might mean to never know “who we are”. Does it truly say anything about our nature though, if we do or do not dress a certain way, speak a certain way, or belong to the same group? I suppose when we all agree it does, then it does, but suppose we all agree to suspend that belief once and for all, to embrace the teachings that have been passed down to us by spiritual masters of Earth. Jesus is believed to have said, “love thy neighbor as thyself”, does this not mean that the love we hold for others is a direct reflection of the love we hold for ourselves and vice versa? Are we truly any different than the human being next to us? What effect would this have on our desire to stand out from everyone else? The Buddha teaches that in order to end all suffering, one must release all Earthly attachments, these attachments being the emotions we attach to the thoughts we have convinced ourselves of, such as the need for a defined Personal Identity (even the emotions we have claimed and adopted as part of who we are; depression, anxiety, mental instability, etc.), along with our attachments to the things that supplement our true capacity for emptiness, such as material objects of wealth and rank. Do these things truly account for who we are? The Indian guru, Osho, teaches that the true nature of the universe simply is. It cannot be defined as good or bad, right or wrong, because everything in existence, just is. So if we as individuals just are, then is there truly any sense in driving ourselves insane, trying to distinguish one human from the other? And as we cling with all of our energy to the stories we believe about ourselves and the world around us, to the traumas of our past, to the uncertainties of our future, to the overanalyzed meaning in our choice to wear black vs. white, it would appear that the biggest cause for an Identity Crisis is that we believe there is crisis in becoming one with everything around us, to have no identity at all.

November 2018